Saturday, May 15, 2010

An Endless Dance with Fashion

I seem to always and forever be defining myself... And it feels I hardly ever reach the ground~

In the daily read for today in Sarah Ban Breathnach's Simple Abundance, it touched on charm, that it is not bought with money through beautiful things, but expressed through personal authenticity and with an "artistic disposition of little"--making do with less.

I am often questioning the things I own because I look to them as a source of obtaining more things I fall for and paying off the debt I've accumulated from the same trancelike dance~I'm constantly spinning.

I am very analytical but I tend to run myself around in circles questioning:
  • Am I just downsizing my collection because of other people's ideas of acceptable?
  • How would I feel if I did just casually give up the bulk of my stuff?
  • Is this just who I am and I just happen to constantly question it because of what other people think is right?
  • Do I keep my things because of competition or because I don't want someone else to be the owner?
  • Is fashion worn only advertising? o.o
I have found out a few things about myself: I am pretty attached to my things just as my love has said...same as my twin...but I tend to second guess giving something up because of its potential uses. Which brings me to other thoughts.

There was a time my twin said that it wasn't that I had so much, but that I didn't have the proper space for it, because I keep it very organized with the space that I do have~

Thing is, there are other aspects to me that tend to go into my owning my possessions. They are my assets and my props. My fashion is my art and creativity. I am also a performer and theatrical, in a sense that I like making a statement out of my clothing. One thought was that if I did have the proper space, boy would I love to open my own clothing rental! XD I enjoy fashion, I admire it quiet avidly~ Consider my collection a museum :P

I also have a bit of an affair with business. I have always been in the business of buying & reselling, and I do enjoy it. It had occurred to me that maybe this two-step back into my old habit could be for me to learn how to enjoy beauty, but this time not become so attached with it; I mean, how can one run a resell shop falling in love with every piece she gets? Nothing would ever get sold! >.>

I guess you could say what all this is is that I tend to run away with my creativity more than my rationality. I tend to be more of a dreamer then logical and methodical~

Well, eventually I'll get it right XP

I never regretted the lessons I've learned in the past, so I'm thankful for them~ I tend to want to be the best person I can be, and it seems I'm never settled because there is always something more, I want to go so deep that I want to sense and feel every ripple of the water within myself and in others--must be that wanting to be in connection with others. I feel it's the closest I can be to people in life.

Back tracking on how all this started, I know it started with me getting the most money I've made from selling my things in March. I became comfortable with feeling secure about having enough to go out with friends and not worry about money; feeling secure that I had money in my checking, and savings! I got carried away and too comfortable and didn't manage the feeling well nor the money (>.<)

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