The Drip Diamond Necklace

People don't realize the extent of my collection...

Yes, I own this--

You must know that when it comes to me and jewelry, I want the kind that royalty would wear O.O Really fancy, elaborate, neck covering pieces XD

A couple years ago, I went to the San Diego Comic Convention and there was a booth filled with the most stunning jewelry *0*

Oh I wanted one~

The one I wanted was actually different from this, bigger, gaudier, and of course, more expensive x.x

I still wanted to have one o.o So I settled on this piece. It was the most expensive piece of jewelry I had ever bought, and the first time I had ever accomplished finding and procuring the kind that I like :D

Of course you must note that this was put on credit--which I am now trying to get myself out of x(

I don't remember the exact cost, and I wish I still had the receipt :/ But I know it was well over $100 if not close to $200 @_@ But I could be exaggerating at $200. Which is why I really wish I remembered what it cost and that I had kept the receipt :(

I am now actually thinking to sell this piece...

Thinking over my situation and my goals, I really can't keep any of these things anymore :( In all fairness, I bought them when I didn't have the money to pay for them--I put it all on credit. And to get myself out, I reasonably have to sell back the things I bought.

The positive to this that makes me feel a bit better is now someone else gets to find joy from my collection :3 Most of them I don't get to use often, so they don't get to be fully appreciated...

Not So Pretty Anymore...

I received my dress today...

My first Angelic Pretty dress~

It's beautiful and I love it, but my joy for its beauty is shadowed by some ugliness and darkness of the day (._.)

We, (my local Lolita community), often discuss our fears and scary stories of what part of the Lolita community can be like here in the US--and I've gotten my first taste of it at the start of my morning (>w<) I tried very hard to keep it from getting to me, that I had more important priorities to attend to, that I couldn't let these thoughts and feelings affect me during my first week of school, but I had already been having a shit week, so it just piled on top and I can't wait for the weekend to hide away from the world (>_>) I've had my fill of people for one week~

Because of this taste of ugliness, it makes me have less of an appreciation for Lolita fashion... (._.) Which makes me sad I can't admire my dress simply for my own personal love for the fashion. I forgot that there is a difference between people who love fashion and people who only love a fashion. And this is not a topic that is openly discussed in a fashion specific community.

I don't know why I even have a blog now, one that is open to the public; I'm not a journalist who wants the criticism and can take the comment bashing on what I felt like saying just to express it :/

Which is why I tend to go on hibernation a lot and keep to myself. Because even though they say, "You learn more about yourself through people", I actually keep to myself because I don't want people to change what I already feel and know I like.

I'll have to post on my dress another time. Not in this post where it is tainted with sadness (>.>)

Ghasp! :O

This shit is beautiful D:

Skirt @ Etsy.com: http://www.etsy.com/listing/54113079/carolina-hand-dyed-ombre-skirt?ref=fp_feat_6

I love "gradi-ated" things XD Uhh~ and lavender to purple~violet x3 so deliciously striking.

I've wanted to do gradients to clothing but never got around to it, as many of my other ideas and projects (>.>) Beautiful things are made with a gradient :D

Must do this for a petticoat :3

The First Check Mark Ever :O

I first saw the BTSSB Bunny Milk & Snow Strawberry print in San Francisco, on my first trip there in the beginning of the year, visiting my honey bunny ^~^ And I fell in love~

Ugh, but for $230 for a skirt @_@ That was just not happening x_x I wanted the skirt in white. I wouldn't even have had the money at the time to buy it on the spot while I was up there @_@ But I put it on my wishlist with all my hopes of having it *~*

The only one I had found online at the time I first came upon it was a JSK and a large. On top of that she too was looking for the skirt and only wanted to trade ;___;

During July, I began to wonder if the the store might still happen to have it and if it would be on sale this time since quite some time has passed. I meant for any of my friends who would be there on the way to check for me, which by the time became August, I learned that they would be having a lucky pack sale for their one year anniversary. Ooooo *o* they might have it in there! :O I thought. And they did. I came across it through a post on ca_egl.

Bianca had already moved up there and I happen to be able to have a chat with her and brought up the lucky packs going on sale. It wasn't a guarantee that she would be able to make it there to get me one, which wasn't a big deal to me since Christina was going up there in a week. But the concern was the possibility of them selling out by the time she got there x_x

I maintained watch over the comm sales for two weeks; for postings on the skirt I wanted. I even posted a want ad along with my sales post--no response to that concerning the skirt >.>

Only a little bit here and there, would sales posts come up for the print I wanted, but neither in the color I wanted nor the size =_=

The JSK in brown though became a combination I started falling for though *~*

Christina was leaving for her trip and I gave her the money for my lucky pack. While she was up there, I kept tabs on a sales post that was auctioning the print in white as a JSK and a medium. It would have to be my last resort.

Saturday came and she had called me to tell me they had sold out. No worries, because I was now on my back-up.

Ending on Sunday night, I was scared of having to fight for it--jacking up the price x_x But there ended up being only 3 bidders including me, ending at a decent price too :3

Oh I was excited because I knew I was getting it that week! :D Because she lived in California too, I knew by the time she shipped it, I would receive it within two days :D

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh~ Here it is, my first Baby dress and the print I've been wanting for the longest time *w* Prominently displayed on my mannequin, and complimented with a gold strawberry locket I already owned! :D

It feels so good because, I'm so proud of myself that I actually stuck to the goal I had planned out for myself and saw it through :D I searched that community looking only for Baby, and anytime something pretty came across me, or I could've spent my money on small indulgent snacks to please me that very moment, I'd remind myself, "No, I have a goal!" XD

It certainly has brought back my confidence for the other things I want in my life, reminding me how to use the Secret again in my life ^_^

Bunny Milk & Snow Strawberry

I'm starting to like the Bunny Milk & Snow Strawberry print by Baby The Stars Shine Bright (BTSSB) in brown ._. and a JSK no less :/

When I first wanted this print, it was when I first went to San Francisco for me & Bunny's one year anniversary and I intended on visiting the Baby store while I was there. I even mentioned this in my post about it--I don't normally fall in love with so many brand prints, but this one made the list--and I wanted it.

I wasn't going to buy it there though; it wasn't the kind of money I have to spend ._. I figured and

hoped I'd eventually come to own it one day used through the egl_comm_sales. I still looked, and it wasn't a print that was easily being sold and easily procured :[

The first one I saw and fell in love with was the skirt in white; skirts are cheaper too :3 Nothing too greedy; simple and modest.

It has now been 7 months passed and now that lucky packs are being given out through the Baby store in San Francisco, and yes it is possible to get this print through the lucky packs, I went on a search to find it through the comm sales. (My best friend will actually be going up there this weekend to try to get me one... So here goes my luck o.o).

One of them that was listed was a large JSK in brown with the matching bonnet. It was pretty cute but not the color I wanted, nor the clothing type; not even in my size! But I felt myself falling for it a bit :( Now what? x[ Which one do I like? :O I still love the white--it's simply too affectionately romantic with winter~

I told Chobit Twin to still stick with my first choice, as it was my first love XD My second choice would be a lucky pack with a JSK. A girl on the ca_egl community was advertising to trade colors. She has the brown JSK with the matching bonnet, but it's still not my size (>.<) Ah~ either way, she wouldn't sell it to me because she's still trying to have the same print :p

Wouldn't it be wonderful, and greedy of me, to have both! *0* Ah~ If I want that to happen, I simply have to wait and be patient. That's the terrible thing about the way I think and my personality; I get afraid that nothing I want will be mine--that things get easily taken away from me ;~; I wonder where that feeling comes from? I know it's me lacking a sense of security...

Je Veux Que Ce Papillon

So I know I haven't posted in awhile. I've just gained two more followers which gives me a bit more of an incentive to keep updated with this XD

Its been awhile, and I looked around wondering what's been on my mind lately. But before I was about to close and shut down my computer, there it was--something recent, saved right there onto my desktop XD

Posted by Dizzybliss: A Luly Yang dress...

Consider me shot--

--just as the scene in Kamikaze Girls.

I...want...this dress...

--I want it so bad ;~;

Purchasing this dress is, by default, impossible @~@

When I really want something that is not in my cards to get, (designer brands), I scheme up of ways to obtain it = how can I make this? o.o

I actually don't feel intimidated by this dress, I think I can do it.

The skirt looks painted o.o Something I've never done before, but luckily have a craft magazine, that thankfully I kept for just these occasions, which has a piece on painting on fabrics :3

I do think through other possible options; it seems this would be the only way it would come out right, and I actually don't mind it like I normally would with other things. Maybe it's because it has an artistic feel to it that makes it okay XD

I must go into the production of this dress--it...is...ultimate :O

I'm So Excited XDDD

I didn't know what to wear for the Lolita Comic-Con meet x.x I was practically frantic and actually stressing about it x( Everything I had, I had already worn the past years--I don't care, I still want to wear something different :p and anything new I had was too hot to wear :(

I couldn't very well buy anything as I was already trying to have the security to get me around San Francisco on my visit, and it was too late to even make anything, let alone have the materials to complete it (>_<) There was only one other option on my mind, besides a set I was debating on the comm_sales: a dress I had seen awhile back that I've been wanting. Considering it was at a resale shop and had no tag, I wondered to myself if I could possibly use my stuff to trade for it or even negotiate the price :3 When I had first seen it, they told me $35. $25 would be a price I'd be more willing to pay...

Browsing the shop, after awhile, feeling I might have missed my opportunity and it might have sold already... I found it o.o I asked again for the price and this time, $35 was still the price, but now on sale o.o 20% off. With tax she said it would be $30, still a bit much then I'd be willing to pay, and after saying so, she suggested, "How about $25?" O.O OH MY GOOOOOSH! :O YAAAAAY!!! XDDDD awwwesome XD I love my marketing teacher for this XDDD *heart*

It wasn't completely Lolita, at least not to the standards the popular majority would approve of :/ but it was enough to get me by for the day. It also reminded me of the style of dress Princess had from one of the Lolita brands I can't remember, as well as some styles I've seen in the magazines, so I felt if anyone questioned it... there Xp

I really liked the accessories I paired it with though. A heavy metal brass doe necklace I haven't had the opportunity to wear, from Fanplusfriend; a 3-strand pearl choker with a clever skeleton cameo, that I don't think many noticed, purchased awhiiiile back from Hot Topic; black lace-up stiletto peep toe boots that I also don't often wear (>.>) from Alloy's; and another hardly worn vintage white and black sophisticated looking hat XD

Another option I was hoping for, but not so much counting on, was a skirt I had commissioned and had been sent on its way *.* I felt, 'that would be AWESOME if it happened to come in that day for me to wear *O* But I felt that wasn't possible as international shipping tends to take awhile. Miraculously though, IT CAME :O I didn't happen to be home by the time it came though (>.>) But either way, the outfit I wore was fine and I'm still excited about my skirt and now have something to wear for another occasion! XD

Now let me tell you about this skirt... that it was something I had been pining after, searched for, and fortunately acquired *.*

I had seen a sales post on the egl_comm_sales

awhile back, with a commissioned skirt that was lovely in every way *o* At the time though, I didn't feel I wanted to spend the money to buy it--but quickly regretted it after it sold T___T I figured I could find the material to make it, no problem, but the problem became the fact that I COULDN'T FIND IT! XO Not even the one who made it--for the time being. But after some time passed and I was admiring the picture once again, I did a search for the seamstress... and found her *O* YAAAAAAAAY!!! XD

She had a skirt for sale with the same print, different design, and I asked her about the skirt she had made, if she would be able to make the same for me o.o

Oh she was so friendly and kind, and before you knew it, I was in my very first commissioned transaction o.o How exciting :3

I was scared it might not have been, because she had to first check with her suppliers if they had the same fabric as it had been awhile since she had made the skirt I was asking for. The first response she gave me was that they had it in black. Now as my boyfriend would have liked this Xp I was really keen on the white XD It was just too majestic XDDD ahahahaha After a bit of a wait for her to hear back from her suppliers if they still had it in white--they did! :D

The commission began with a "down payment" for the materials o.o Ooo more time to complie the money XDDD When she had finished it in good time, she asked my approval, which first the top layer had appeared to be shorter than the original picture. I was amazed and grateful she was happy to make the adjustments--she had such wonderful service, it was such a pleasant experience that I did not expect as I have never experienced it before, but she had said that she wanted to make sure people were happy with what they were purchasing :3 *heart*

She even had her own label! :O

Am very satisfied and a current favorite XD Absolutely smitten right now~

A 50s Winter

Oh my gosh, I'm so excited! *0*

I just received a pair of boots I purchased through LiveJournal, which I happened to come across when browsing a few sales communities. OH MY GOSH! :O I said when I first sited them. And with quick action, feeling rushed and anxious, I quickly checked the buying information, product information, costs, and shipping, and promptly made a comment to secure them O.O After the comment, that's when I took a closer look at the picture and compared them to the original pair of boots I wanted that mimicked them :3 A girl I met once and for the first time, at a meet back in October last year, was wearing a pair of black quilted patterned chocolate brown fur trim vintage boots that I absolutely gushed over *.*

A pair of the most beasty shoes ever! XD

I wish I had a better picture of them >> but here they are--

I started to second guess my impulsive reaction that they weren't the best match that fit the original how I wanted ._. But it was too late to turn back now >> Not really, I could've said never mind, but she did also ask me, when the seller replied, after confirming the details if I was interested in purchasing them. I went ahead and did it, they were after all, to me, the closest I was going to get to these original pairs ;_;

They've just arrived, after a few weeks from China, and I am so giggly about them! :D Hooray! They're so cute!!!

Trimmed in rabbit fur, suede material, with leather lacing too! Gosh darn it, even the inside is fuzzy! XD What a delicious detail that'll keep me warm during the winter x3

The remind me of vintage pictures of women in the 50s all bundled up in tights, puffy jackets with fur trimmed hoods and fuzzy boots that lace up to the ankles x3

Yay~

My First Lesson In Sacrifice

I am beginning to learn what it is to sacrifice XP

I've been frantic for money this week because I've been foolish in screwing myself over between indulging, paying for those indulgences, and paying for my bills x.x

I was desperate for quick, immediate, large lump sum money, which caused me to forfeit my higher priced items for sale, so I could feel secure about taking down a large chunk of my debt to hold me over... But it frustrated me TERRIBLY! As it comes down to the fact that not everybody purchases impulsively :/ ESPECIALLY NOW IN THIS ECONOMY x_x No knights in shining armor here... (._.) ~I'll be contemplating on it some more, but it could also just be me, my messages not reaching enough potential customers, or what I have to offer just doesn't have a market :(

But anyway! One item I thought to sell was a Coach bag I received as a Christmas gift from my ex-boyfriend's mom, (it was the first popular name brand item I owned, as I don't care much for them. I hadn't used it in awhile & I figured, considering having so much and needing the money more, I could get quick cash if I sold it to a buy-sell-trade store like Flashbacks or Buffalo Exchange :3 But I thought, 'I have enough time in the day to see if I might be able to sell it to anybody around for more' o.o No comments, messages, or emails; so you can sense my discouragement as I am an impatient person who wants to see immediate results -_-

A few thoughts that had crossed my mind in scheming a way to sell this bag and make money, (I'm a schemer), I knew the ones most likely to buy it, (and immediately), was my family; because it has to do with image, brand, and a good deal; they love owning brand names :3 I drew up a blank on my mother's side, but hours later, I realized there were more potential customers on my dad's side. I hadn't visited them yet. With more of my family members recently moving here from the Philippines, they would be glad of me to have come.

Horray for grandmas and family :D because she bought my bag for $60 and my auntie donated clothing items for me to sell :3 Everyone knows me to take in any donations of whatever because I don't like improperly disposed of items that I will take it upon myself to make sure they are properly taken care of ^_^ They are my sources of income but whatever I don't sell, I donate :)

As I detached myself more and more from the bag, I felt more better about the money securing me for my payments and purchases ^.^ It's just one of those things that after you go through it, you realize what it's for, things get easier, and the outcome is much more gratifying ^_^

Sold

SOB D'x

It sold!!! DX I wanted it... :'( But as I note the price, $380, you would understand my ability to get it T___T

From Timeless Vixen Vintage on Etsy.com, a Vintage 1950s Melinda Designer Couture Bombshell Dress--and in white no less, my favorite color and a much needed dress in my life Xp One white fitting dress is the equivalent to me as that little black dress x__x

Ah~ One day I can make it, but it's just not the same... it's just not ._.

A Collection of Just What I Love

As I soon prepare to assess my possessions and undergo a journey to simplify, organize, pay off my debt, and find myself in the process, I marinate over the thoughts I have read over in the last passages of Simple Abundance:

"...Mrs. Lindbergh's advice: 'To ask how little, not how much, can I get along with. To say--is it necessary?--when I am tempted to add one more accumulation to my life.' If I think I can't live without the object of desire and I can afford it, I'll collect it. But now I pause first. Simple Abundance is not about saying "no" to our creative impulses, whether in collecting, dressing, or decorating. It's about knowing when to say "enough" because we know that all we have is all we really need. "One cannot collect all the beautiful shells on the beach. One can collect only a few, and they are more beautiful if they are few.'"

It will be an implemented process in narrowing my collection to what I love--consider it as such places like a museum or fancy boutique that house only the best ^_~

I want to train my eye to be discriminating to what I love and for my heart to be patient if what I have or come across is not completely what I wanted--satisfying, not settling :3

"What Every Woman Should Do Once"

So I have this tiny little gift book I bought awhile back that lists a few things that every woman should do once; one of them being, "try on very expensive clothes in a boutique that you know you can't afford."

After leaving a resell shop, a couple stores down from it, I passed by a fancy dress shop. There was a white dress with floral appliques on a mannequin that I noticed earlier and wanted to check out and possibly get a picture of~ Walking in, I came upon an amazing dress in a similar style--ballerina tutu with floral embroidered appliques & a pleated cumber bun tied into a bow~

I thought to myself, after looking at the price tag of three hundred fifty dollars, that this was one of those moments I should take up to try on a dress I can't afford XD

Uhh~ It was gorgeous, like a spring garden party dress that was slightly reminiscent of the Ice Capades XD

And my the sales associate was friendly! I told her I had never had an experience like this before--being asked if I needed heels or a push-up strapless bra o.o How classy :o

At first I didn't think I was going to try on any more dresses but once I walked towards the entrance, where I originally found the dress, I happened upon two extras--why not? I don't do this everyday!

Oh~pink, and just my size! The first was a 4 which she said they can take in for $25. This pink was a 0 and fit me perfectly :3

And the last... just about happen to be my favorite as the sales associate asked...

Now I would have to be utterly stupid & reckless to buy any of these dresses in my current state; tell me why the sales associate knew to inform me that they had layaway? Xp

You can't imagine... I could find the money to get this dress but it wouldn't go to the most important causes that needed it -_- And yet I'm am still and always surprised that I can get one thing over another as I have several other dresses on my wish list in that price range and/or less but I would instantly let this precede them @_@ My goodness its just too beautiful...just too unique... Which is why I love it soo much >.<

The passage in today's reading was about collecting, but how the collector has a discriminating eye only to what she loves~ and as it turns out, fashion is what I collect...

Film Noir Fatale - A 1940's Dress

WAAAAHHHHHH OH MY GOOOOSHHHH!!! :O

A vintage dress I've been watching/admiring for the past couple of weeks I had intended to some how obtain eventually. Oh my, it was gorgeous and I was star struck XP

The title it held was "FILM NOIR FATALE" 1940's Vintage Dress--they absolutely knew what image to conjure with that title ;) The seller had put up a sale until May 31. This dress was marked down from an extraordinary price of $174.99 to $59.99. I waited and let it sit there in an open tab to admire it as my current situation didn't provide the means to purchase it right away.

Today I had playfully added it to my cart, (mind you this was on Etsy), then abandoned it to give myself time to marinate on it while I focused on my more important priorities--completing the final chapters for my management final tomorrow.

After casually browsing and admiring the dress again, guess what? She MARKED IT DOWN AGAIN TO $49.99!!! Ahhhhhhhh! You can imagine my excitement XD How awesome is that? Thank you Goldmine Trash, the Lord, time, & waiting to make this dress more financially sound for me :3 Yay

The Competition for Material Wealth is Self-Destructive

I have so much that I can't even appreciate all of what I have. It drives me in circles that a lot of the times I can no longer think clearly that I'd rather not think so much into them and simply post em up for sale :/ I'm pretty sure the freedom it gives me after will be well worth more than holding on to them ever was XD I wonder though~

Some of the things I want in exchange give me a bit more motivation to...

But just money in general, and stuff in general, is not good busy work to occupy one's self with--it's self-generated stress x_x Just plain retarded >_>

Weight On My Mind

So yesterday I realized that I tend to get so confused because I don't have a plan. A lot of my fashion and decorating is pretty random. I also remembered learning in my Management - Organizational Behavior class that artistic people tend to be unstructured. How true this is; I've met so many artistic people who have piles of unfinished projects waiting to be finished. Getting excited with so many ideas that after starting one, get bored and initiate something else XP

I told myself this as comfort to be understanding with myself :3 But of course, I wondered, isn't there still a way to become more structured and balanced eventually? o.o Just doesn't seem the right kind of lifestyle to be living, and I wonder if its something to come to accept or just a change of habit to nurture and support with time?

Anyways, the reading for today helped me define my thoughts from the night before. When bringing order and organization to a room, it shouldn't be done all in one shot because it will become overwhelming and there will be no sense of success and accomplishment~ It's exactly what was going on with me yesterday. I spent the entire weekend prepping and posting sales online that I overwhelmed myself and couldn't think clearly anymore, getting myself lost and not gaining any sense of accomplishment x_x

"...each successful attempt at organizing only reinforces your feelings of taking back control of your life. I had never really considered how being disorganized beneath the surface had weighed upon my mind. ...it had cost me only time (to plan), courage (to show up for work), and creative energy (to do it)."

My disorganization beneath the surface very much weighs on my mind, this is what I would like to tackle during my summer vacation :3

Yet Another Questionable Item...

I've often questioned this item wondering how the heck to use it/wear it, as it went from my rack of clothes to sell, to hanging it on my wall as the image was simply too nice to wear & was overtaking the whole scarf that there wasn't a way to wear it and see its full beauty... :/

On and off I'd constantly think whether to sell it or hold on to it for future uses as a lovely wall display.

I would get a decent profit from it considering my financial circumstances & goals... As I thought to carry on with the preparations of selling this piece, I wasn't satisfied with the first set of pictures I took, it just wouldn't capture the audience with them, so I took another~ And look at the results, its so beautiful that it gives me ideas and feelings to hold on to it >.<>_>

I had thought to myself earlier, before writing this, 'if I question it so much, maybe I shouldn't keep it'. I had tried to put into action, & keep in mind, the reading for today, questioning the item if it was beautiful, useful, or sentimental, also to write out my thoughts so I can make better decisions :3

I thought to myself that if I had this hung up as a decorative display, I don't think I'd enjoy its beauty well enough to keep it because I question it so much. I am trying to narrow down my collection to things I love. Sometimes I factor in an item's use as display in my own store~ But then I remember that I wanted to do online retail XP Ah, you never know -_- But maybe I shouldn't factor in the future too much in my decisions @_@

Bah! I still don't know x_x

In Exchange for That

So last night, surveying my room, after a day of posting sales online, I looked to things I could give up and to my wish board with pictures of the items I deeply want to obtain, and said to myself, 'I would trade these in for those'~

And how ironic, but incredibly helpful, that today's daily read from Sarah Ban Breathnach's "Simple Abundance" should discuss that topic :3

"Have nothing in your homes that you do not know to be useful and believe to be beautiful." - William Morris

She referred to it as the "aesthetic alchemy of beauty and function in the home"--I really liked that XD

'While surveying your home "let the Divine spirits of simplicity, order, harmony, and beauty accompany you".' Considering last night, I was doing this already. I was allowing my authentic self to speak to me and trust her wisdom in selecting items that didn't justly serve me and would greatly serve another ^.^

She created three categories: beautiful, useful, & sentimental. 'Does it tug at your heartstrings or on someone else? If it does so on another, put it in their room.'

"Think on paper before you act..." I realized this yesterday from my last blog, how much it helped for me to write & consider my thoughts before I act :3

*"There is an ancient metaphysical law that says if we desire more abundance in our lives we must create a vacuum to allow ourselves to receive the good we seek. How can more good come into our lives if there is no room for it? We create the vacuum by giving away what we no longer need or desire but what can serve others."

This was the best visual description she could give me, and it's what I'm gonna do and live by. Everything that's been happening lately has lead up to this definition. I very much find joy in finding a happy home for the things I own that someone else finds great pleasure in :D And what's more, I'm making room for the greater things I do want to come into my life ^0^

Oh My Gosh, I Want to Keep This...

It's Saturday and I have set the intent to take the day and dedicate it to posting sales online--I seriously need money.

The vintage dresses I have were from a vintage dress lot I purchased and there were a few I liked and wanted to keep, but after coming into a situation of needing the money more, I decided I didn't really need them as they were not my true size anyways; let someone else enjoy them :) they would go for a good price as well :3

This tends to happen; I begin to take pictures of an item and prepare it for selling, then I start to second guess giving it up because of its beauty~ Call them sirens and I'm a weak, foolish sailor on the ship with Odysseus -_-

But the work it would take to make it mine would be too much :/ The dress is a large and would need to be taken in. The skirt is serged to the top and in addition to that, the skirt is pleated x____x

Being away from it and blogging about it right now actually weakens the power of its siren call :] When I pass a glance at it and see its size, I feel a bit more at ease giving it to someone who will enjoy it--and fit it! XD

Thank you for letting me talk about this. I'm glad this is helping me marinate on my thoughts :3

An Endless Dance with Fashion

I seem to always and forever be defining myself... And it feels I hardly ever reach the ground~

In the daily read for today in Sarah Ban Breathnach's Simple Abundance, it touched on charm, that it is not bought with money through beautiful things, but expressed through personal authenticity and with an "artistic disposition of little"--making do with less.

I am often questioning the things I own because I look to them as a source of obtaining more things I fall for and paying off the debt I've accumulated from the same trancelike dance~I'm constantly spinning.

I am very analytical but I tend to run myself around in circles questioning:

• Am I just downsizing my collection because of other people's ideas of acceptable?
• How would I feel if I did just casually give up the bulk of my stuff?
• Is this just who I am and I just happen to constantly question it because of what other people think is right?
• Do I keep my things because of competition or because I don't want someone else to be the owner?
• Is fashion worn only advertising? o.o
  

I have found out a few things about myself: I am pretty attached to my things just as my love has said...same as my twin...but I tend to second guess giving something up because of its potential uses. Which brings me to other thoughts.

There was a time my twin said that it wasn't that I had so much, but that I didn't have the proper space for it, because I keep it very organized with the space that I do have~

Thing is, there are other aspects to me that tend to go into my owning my possessions. They are my assets and my props. My fashion is my art and creativity. I am also a performer and theatrical, in a sense that I like making a statement out of my clothing. One thought was that if I did have the proper space, boy would I love to open my own clothing rental! XD I enjoy fashion, I admire it quiet avidly~ Consider my collection a museum :P

I also have a bit of an affair with business. I have always been in the business of buying & reselling, and I do enjoy it. It had occurred to me that maybe this two-step back into my old habit could be for me to learn how to enjoy beauty, but this time not become so attached with it; I mean, how can one run a resell shop falling in love with every piece she gets? Nothing would ever get sold! >.>

I guess you could say what all this is is that I tend to run away with my creativity more than my rationality. I tend to be more of a dreamer then logical and methodical~

Well, eventually I'll get it right XP

I never regretted the lessons I've learned in the past, so I'm thankful for them~ I tend to want to be the best person I can be, and it seems I'm never settled because there is always something more, I want to go so deep that I want to sense and feel every ripple of the water within myself and in others--must be that wanting to be in connection with others. I feel it's the closest I can be to people in life.

Back tracking on how all this started, I know it started with me getting the most money I've made from selling my things in March. I became comfortable with feeling secure about having enough to go out with friends and not worry about money; feeling secure that I had money in my checking, and savings! I got carried away and too comfortable and didn't manage the feeling well nor the money (>.<)